Ok, fine, I'll stop with the French.

Do you ever wonder what people are thinking when they steal someone's cellphone and then stick it up their vagina? Yeah, I do, I also wonder what happens next... do they then whistle to try and cover up the *bring* from their no-no region?

What were they going to do once they got home with the thing, were they going to use it to call their friends? Sell it? Give it as a gift? Let their friends borrow it and then say "You're talking into my twat!" then laugh hysterically?

I could probably go on for hours in this vein, but I'll let someone post, and just sign off saying "Happy Snoozebob Day!".

Oh, I almost forgot the inevitable whoring

Posted by: SnoozeBob at 03:40 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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Technically, this isn't francophile - more germophile (hmm... I like that word).

I just want to make sure that everyone gets to share in the phenomenon that is Schnappi - the small Egyptian crocodile that's taking Germany (and Rob) by storm!

Check out his single, and then the remixes...

NB: Dafyd* does not claim any reponsability for any loss of sanity incurred by listening to Schnappi. Listen at your own risk.

*Here there be whoring

Posted by: SnoozeBob at 02:04 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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I had one of those days yesterday where, if it was a movie, you would have laughed your ass off. Instead, it was real and you came this close to turning off the safety on that AK you keep in your bottom desk drawer.

I came into the office at 7am. Got situated and walked out my door to get a drink from down the hall. As soon as I step outside my office, the woman who ALWAYS bugs me about my ID badge is standing there: "You GOTTA wear that badge." I push out something resembling a laugh, but really, I wanted to cry - the blasted water fountain is fifteen feet from my door. It was the equivalent of the observation that somebody's got a case of the Mondays.

I get back to the office and realize I don't have the keys to unlock the file cabinet under my desk. Crap. I walk to the car, no keys. Check my shoulder bag, no keys. I sit there for a few minutes and decide to break the lock on the filing cabinet. The cabinet is one of those modular deals that slides out from the desk, but it sits on a little wooden frame. So I pull it out from under the desk, and it slides off the wooden frame. Crap. The thing weighs like 80lbs, so I have to squat and lift it fromt he floor back onto the frame. In all the heaving and hoing, I eventually get it back on the base and under the desk. Which is when I realize that in all that grunting, I had COMPLETELY forgotten to pop the lock off. Crap. Again. And it's not even 8:30am.

So, I pull it back out and it of course slides off it's base. Incidentally, it sliced my finger at the cuticle too; insuring that I was indeed completely awake at this point. So I wrap my wound in a napkin and secure it with a little scotch tape (office first aid, I earned that merit badge at the management retreat last fall). I pull the panel off the top of the cabinet, remove the cotter pin that holds the lock in place, punch the lcok core out, and release the lever locking all the drawers in place. With all this racket, I was beginning to draw the attention of a few passers-by.

I lift the heavy bastard back on it's base and slide everything under my desk. I'm sweating. That's when I get a call from one of the nursing units. Apparently a pipe above them in the hematology room had busted, and salt water was leaking through the ceiling onto people, computers, and filling light fixtures. It was like that all day yesterday.

shank

Posted by: SnoozeBob at 01:44 PM | Comments (2) | Add Comment
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And so I have tried very hard to ensure this post is neither french or spammy ...

(Rob from XSet)

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Results: Pylorns has posted the answers. The only one that nobody got was #3, Gold Finger. Here are the folks who won points (1 per each correct answer):

Helen: #5 and #9
Tiffani: #4
tommy: #2, #6 and #8
Rob: #10
Clancy: #1 and #7

Ok I'll let Jim award the points when I get back. 10 movie quotes for your guessing enjoyment. And don't google them or I'll come to your house and take a dump on the hood of your car. Name the movie, and preferably the actor that said it.

1. "You're crazy man, I like you, but your crazy."

2. "We get caught laundering money, we're not going to a white collar resort prison, we're going to a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison."

3. "Run along now dear, Man talk."

4. "...high school hasn't changed. There's still that one teacher who marches to her own drummer. Those girls are still there, the ones that, even as you grow up, will remain the most beautiful girls you have ever seen close up. The smart kids, who everyone else knew as 'the brains,' but I just knew them as my soul mates, my teachers, my friends. And there's still that one guy with his mysterious confidence who seems so perfect in every way. The guy you get up and go to school for in the morning. ... High school would not have been the same without him. I would not be the same without him. I lived a lifetime of regret after my first high school experience." (girls you'll get this one quick)

5. "Um, ok. That's the little boys' room and that's the little girls' room. Where are you going? Going to the mens' room." (my fav movie)

6. "Oh, now be honest, Captain. Warrior to warrior. You do prefer it this way, don't you, as it was meant to be. No peace in our time. Once more unto the breach, dear friends."

7. "A-B-C A-Always. B-Be. C-Closing. Always be closing. Always be closing!!"

8. "I've got a lot of fond memories of that dog."

9. "I'm not even supposed to be here. I'm just crewman number six. I'm expendable. I'm the guy in the episode who dies to prove the situation is serious. I gotta get out."

10. "Hey Terrorists, Terrorize this!"

-pylorns
http://www.wetwired.org

Posted by: SnoozeBob at 09:13 AM | Comments (16) | Add Comment
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I finally got a chance to ruin Jim's blog a bit and then nothing comes up.Total brain fart.
Yaaaawn......I think I'll go back to bed.
Happy Snoozebob day everyone!
LW
flaptrap.mu.nu

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I can't believe it...Now I've had a chance to live the impossible dream! A post in Jim's blog! My life is now complete....Wait....that was the morning constitutional on the toilet that did it... Mitzi

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I knew there was something I forgot. What's the absolute worst thing that a guy can forget? Yeah, that's right. An anniversary.

Not mine, of course. That's tattooed on my forehead in backward numbers like an ecnalubma so I'm reminded of it every time I look in the mirror. Safety first, yo.

No, I meant to post a happy anniversary post for Harvey and Smiling Dynamite. I even had a made up fairy tale story in the works about how Harvey the Troll kidnapped the beautiful Princess Dynamite and forced her to choose between marrying him or a Frenchman and then she kicked the shit out of him but then felt sorry for him and married him after all and they all lived happily ever after. With pictures in there too - that's what was planned.

So anyway, happy anniversary!

(6 years she's been married to Harvey, y'all. Every woman who reads this should go thank her for that 6 years of peace.)

Posted by: Jim at 10:47 AM | Comments (4) | Add Comment
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There will be one interview post per day as I interview the lucky five folks who responded the fastest in this post. Today's interviewee is Rob from XSet, the only man in the world who's spent considerable time in my templates and has tweaked my CSS:

1) What was your last brush with greatness?

2) If you could have any superpower what would it be? How would you use it? How would you mis-use it?

3) What sport shouldn't be in the Olympics?

4) What was the last thing you were really looking forward to that ended up not being at all what you'd expected or hoped for?

5) What are the best and worst things about living on an island?

Rob, to continue the game you need to snag the rules from my original post and answer these at your place. I'll link to your post when you get it up.

UPDATE: Rob posted his answers!

Posted by: Jim at 03:12 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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My semi-whenever foray into some of the best stuff saved in the dark recesses of my newsreader.

Graphical Truth discloses the humorous side of a recent Intelligent Design / Creationism tussle.

You know what they say about free advice? Well ignore that while you check out generic's Helpful hints from somebody who's led a long life.

Paul has the wackiest adventures. Even furniture shopping takes on interesting twists when he's involved.

Kate (who's feeling much better though not completely better) recently had her second blogversary. In this post she explains how she learned to stop worrying and love her blog.

I always thought that PETA hated kids. Now I know they do. Joanne Jacobs hits an article showing that kids need meat to develop normally.

What kind of school ignores a specifically targetted murder threat by its students on another one of its students? Kimberly Swygert has the scoop.

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(Snagged from Autumnal Fire)

Posted by: Jim at 10:38 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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1 I got 76. I think I'll start using that as a end goal. You know, you budget your whole life to save money for retirement and live out the rest of your days as a rich bastard - but people never make a plan to spend it all before they die. Now that i have a supremely reliable benchmark, I can rework the math I use to budget for retirement and budget to die broke. It's always good to have a plan.

Posted by: shank at March 24, 2005 11:42 AM (+H1yK)

2 73 And I can't believe I actually remembered how to solve a quadratic equation.

Posted by: Harvey at March 24, 2005 02:02 PM (tJfh1)

3 Harvey, Harvey, Harvey. Did you really work out that equation? Don't you know that the fastest way through a multiple choice math question is to just plug in the possible answers? ;-)

Posted by: Jim at March 24, 2005 02:36 PM (tyQ8y)

4 79. Probably because I gave up drinking and smoking six years ago. Also, I didn't work out the equation. Too much stress to think back to 10th-grade algebra.

Posted by: diamond dave at March 24, 2005 04:42 PM (PoGd7)

5 82, nah nah nah

Posted by: Wendy at March 24, 2005 11:50 PM (lVGGv)

6 80. I probably got hammered by the fact I don't drink at all. Isn't a glass of red wine supposed to be good for your heart?

Posted by: Boudicca at March 25, 2005 12:50 AM (z7nbM)

7 75. And that quadratic equation can get bent, my life is clearly a better place without higher math.

Posted by: Helen at March 25, 2005 04:35 AM (EOwKj)

8 I'll live to be 76! woo hoo!

Posted by: Holly at March 25, 2005 08:59 AM (bkRgB)

9 Jim - I know, but mostly I just wanted to see if I could still do it. It's been a couple decades.

Posted by: Harvey at March 25, 2005 02:49 PM (ubhj8)

10 78... must be the wine I'm drinking to make up for Bou not drinking.

Posted by: vw bug at March 25, 2005 07:34 PM (oNw9u)

11 Happy Easter!

Posted by: Susie at March 27, 2005 10:15 AM (g8g3w)

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The Showcase is a place for new blogs to show off their stuff. This week's edition features posts from nine fine young blogs.

GBfan of Spotted Horse brings us More fun with PBS and our tax dollars. Amtrak, our government subsidized rail company is a financial disaster requiring huge annual influxes of tax dollars. They are also the proud sponsors of PBS's Thomas the Tank Engine.

From Tom at Pooklekufr: The Kafir Constitutionalist we have A Brief Criticism of the Iraqi Interim Constitution.

Atlas (aka Pamela) of Atlas Shrugged submits Pamela's Weekend Recap: The Chicken Came First. Pamela answers the age old question of what came first, the blog or the blogger (and why).

Next up at A Weekend Warrior On A Rant!, the Commanded Citizen relates a wonderful little story about a bright young couple: A Young, American Bride Celebrates Her FREEDOM!

Chris Byrne of The AnarchAngel talks about his beliefs as to what the legitimate form and purpose of government are in The Politics of Liberty.

The Squib is celebrating: Coming soon to a protest near you -- Klingon pain sticks!

Ward Churchill and Gloria Steinem -- separated at birth! Sounds fantastical but Nick Weber of Libertarian Librarian makes the case.

Simon Cowell on poetry? Nope, it's Nicholas Liu of Better Living Through Buttermilk waxing the poets with Waffled through the turgid wood and blurbled as they came.

melinama of Pratie Place is a young blogger but she's got some wise advice in her post Mutuality. Unfortunately, Blogger's comment system is pooched at the moment so I couldn't put a link to Kevin Aylward's Standalone Trackback on her post. Try it out, melinama, I think you'll like it.

Next week's host is our own Mookie. Do you have a weblog that's three months young or less and want to be a part of it? Just send an email to showcase.carnival@gmail.com with the following info:

• The name of your blog


• The title of the post


• The url of the post


• Your name

Alternate entry (and doesn't that sound deliciously naughty?) may be made at the Multi-Carnival Entry Form.

Catch previous Showcases and volunteer to host new ones at the Showcase Home.

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This is the last interview for the lucky five folks who responded the fastest in this post. Today's interviewee is Sims addict and certified MILF Margi (that's a hard "G", like in "Legs") Lowry:

1) What would you host a cable tv program about?

2) What movies do you know by heart?

3) When did you realize that life really isn't fair and when did you realize that that's okay?

4) The Sims - enlightened escapism or crack for non-druggies?

5) When did you first realize that you were in love?

Margi, to continue the game you need to snag the rules from my original post and answer these at your place. I'll link to your post when you get it up.

UPDATE: Margi's answers are up!

Posted by: Jim at 05:09 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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There will be one interview post per day as I interview the lucky five folks who responded the fastest in this post. Today's interviewee is my favorite ex-pat in Israel, Rachel Ann from Willowgreen:

1) What tasks would you most like to have an army of trained monkeys (not "The Monkey") do for you?

2) What's the most bizarre thing to happen to you lately?

3) If you had one moment to do over, to either change the outcome or savor the moment again, which moment would it be?

4) What does Israel need to do to ensure its prosperity and security?

5) What's your idea of a romantic evening?

Rachel Ann, to continue the game you need to snag the rules from my original post and answer these at your place. I'll link to your post when you get it up.

Update: Rachel Ann has posted her answers.

Posted by: Jim at 12:01 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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There will be one interview post per day as I interview the lucky five folks who responded the fastest in this post. Today's interviewee is my very own blogdaughter Tiffani from Breakfast With Tiffani:

1) Who's your daddy?

2) What cartoon would you go live in for a week?

3) If you could create a new tradition, what would it be and why?

4) What do you do with your spare change?

5) What sense has the greatest sensual effect on you? We want details here.

Tiffani, to continue the game you need to snag the rules from my original post and answer these at your place. I'll link to your post when you get it up.

UDPATE: Tiffani has posted her answers. Warning - 18 and over only. Wakka wakka.

Posted by: Jim at 02:46 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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I'm hosting the New Blog Showcase the week of March 21. If you've got a blog that's three months old or younger, send me a link to your best post. It will appear in the Showcase where it will be seen by millions of people who will then fall in love with your writing and launch you to fame and glory.

Here's the info you should send:

• The name of your blog


• The title of the post


• The url of the post


• Your name

A brief description of the post or a narrative blurb is also a good idea. It makes my job easier and anything that makes my job easier is a good idea.

Another good idea is to use a subject like "New Blog Showcase submission" on the email so it's easier to separate from the mountains of spam.

Send your submission to showcase.carnival@gmail.com by Sunday, 7PM EST to be included in next week's edition of the showcase.

You can also use the handy dandy Carnival Submit Form in lieu of email. We're listed as the "Showcase Carnival" there.

You can find links to previous carnivals here.

Posted by: Jim at 09:44 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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There will be one interview post per day as I interview the lucky five folks who responded the fastest to this post. Today's interviewee is the lovely and talented Holly from RavenRose Yawns:

1) What was it about blogging that first attracted you to the milieu? What kept you?

2) What words do people commonly misuse that drive you crazy?

3) What is the best and most uplifting story you've read recently?

4) If you had two weeks of free time with no responsibilities and no cash-flow issues, what would you do?

5) What event would you have most liked to have witnessed first hand?

Holly, you can answer these here or at your place. If you do it over there make sure to send me a trackback or comment so I'll know where to find it.

Update: Holly has posted her answers. You go now!

Posted by: Jim at 04:06 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
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1 http://www.tinklebelle.com/RavenRose/index.php?p=191 There ya go!

Posted by: Holly at March 14, 2005 03:58 PM (3SP8e)

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Yet another reason why I do so seriously kick ass. When the zombie invasion comes I'll be a survivor.

Flock to me children, I will lead you to salvation. Or at least a relatively brain-free diet.

Official Survivor!

You scored 65%!

Whether through ferocity or quickness, you made it out. You made the right choice most of the time, but you probably screwed up somewhere. Nobody's perfect, at least you're alive.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 90% on survivalpoints.

The Zombie Scenario Survivor Test

(Hat tip to A Small Victory)

Posted by: Jim at 09:05 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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Had a busy day yesterday burning stuff and the shots knocked me for a loop. Slept bad, got up late, walked around like a zombie, farted a lot, pooped 3 times.

In other words, I didn't do any blogging this morning.

But fear not, there is something for everyone over at The Bestofme Symphony.

There's still a point contest open too. Last chance to submit your gravestone humor. Winner gets selected later today.

Posted by: Jim at 09:18 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Anita's son is having a problem in math class. He does complex division problems correctly in his head but his teacher isn't looking for the answer, she's looking for long division. She wants to see the work between the question and the answer.

This is a touchy subject for me. I was exactly the same as her son with long division. I did it in my head lickety split and got the correct answer in a fraction of the time. My teacher enlisted my mother and forced me to go through long division, the very same situation that Anita and her son are in right now.

Why use long division?

The rote answer is "you need to know the process". Why? We use a process that works. We get the correct answer faster. We also get the correct answer more reliably. Long division is only a regressive loop of simple division problems. An error at any step yields a wrong answer. What is wrong with our process?

Absolutely nothing. It is superior to long division in efficiency and accuracy. The problem is that only a fraction of students can do division this way so it is not permitted in school. This is lowest-common-denominator instruction at its worst. Hold back the advanced students to the limits of the generic lesson plan. It is incredibly frustrating to somebody who is being thrashed with it.

I despised my math teacher after the long division debacle and my opinion of my mother went down several notches as well. My "math sense" went way down and I started hating math class, formerly my favorite subject. I got fed up to the point where I forcibly rejected long division. I spent months unlearning the method that had been hammered into my brain and relearning my method. Once I'd removed the taint and returned to my method the problems went away and I enjoyed math class again.

A few years later I was placed in an advanced self-paced math program. The guide/teacher not only acknowledged fragmented division (the name he gave to my particular method) but promoted it. Do a Google search for "long division in my head" and you'll see just how common this is.

My advice to Anita? Don't force your son to lose his process. Educate the educator. If she can't be brought around to the fact that there is more than one way to do division then you face a very tough choice. Maybe he can use his method to get the answer and then use long division to provide the proof. That will frustrate him too, but not as much as having to abandon his method.

When it all comes down to it though it's about education and not grades. He has the education part covered and it's superior to what the teacher is trying to impose. I'd rather have that and an "F" than to go through what I went through.

Posted by: Jim at 10:35 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
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